Tag Archives: fruit

How To: Kill the Ever-Living Hell Out of Fruit, Laugh Maniacally

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Breville 800JEXL Juice Fountain Elite 1000-Watt Juice Extractor

Have you ever want to….let’s say… DESTROY all the fruit in existence? Like, Hitler-style kill? Have you ever wanted to be the anti-fruit dictator who then sucks down the remains of your victims?

Then follow our steps! This is something the whole family can enjoy!

1. Gather your victims. If you have the budget of a small country, you can at least buy up all the fruit at your local grocer. If you have a high credit limit, maybe all the fruit on amazon.

2. Get yourself a few of these death machines.

3. Get a barrel. Evil Dictators always keep remains in barrels.

4. Practice your Maniacal Laugh.

BONUS STEP: Film everything and upload to Youtube. Make sure you have the laugh down before you do this. It’s VERY IMPORTANT.

If all goes well, we should be rid of all the fruit on the planet before the end of the year! Isn’t that awesome?

Annie’s Homegrown Organic Bunny Fruit Snacks – Delicious Deception

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Annie's Homegrown Organic Fruit Snacks

So… you may think that Annie’s Homegrown Berry Patch Organic Bunny Fruit Snacks are a wholesome, vegan, tasty snack of fun… Well, it has a slight problem.

It’s made from bunnies. Organic ones at that. Ones that have shrived up in to tiny, colored, goopy pods that somewhat resemble their former bunny glory. We have no idea how Annie’s did this. We’re pretty sure they use the same methods that are used with geese and foie gras to give them whatever flavor they want. It sounds rather terrible. But we don’t care… They’re delicious.

The only REAL problem WE have is how they consider a cherry to be a berry. Does it have berry in the name? IT DOES NOT.

We know a lot about bunnies. We learned it by buying books and never reading them.