Category Archives: In The News

HOT BUY: Windows XP for Less Than $100!

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Finally! Microsoft recently announced that they will no longer update or support Windows XP! This is fantastic news, as they have finally finished and perfected the best software they ever made. No more updates to screw it up while trying to keep up with all this “modern technology”. Microsoft basically said that they’re done. It can be no more perfect than it is. Awesome!

We proudly use Windows XP on our receptionist’s computer. We tried to use XP on our computers, but WordPress and twitter are stuck in the stone age and need like a gazillion gigs of RAM.

Show your support for the greatest software ever made! Buy a copy today and hack your refrigerator to run it! Teach your kids about the good ‘ol days every time they try to get some ice!

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Live Your Dream! Become a Killer Whale Trainer in your Own Home!

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Killer Orca Whale Thing

Hey kids! Want to be a KILLER WHALE TRAINER? Sure you do! Now you can experience what it’s like with this 40 inch Orca Whale by Fiesta!

Just set it in the middle of your room, pool, or dungeon, step far away, and yell at it! Watch as it does absolutely nothing you tell it to do, just like real wild killer whales! DON’T TOUCH IT, IT WILL KILL YOU. It adds to the realism! Plus, new laws won’t let you touch it anyway. Wow!

While the size is not to scale, it’s stuffed and dead inside just like real killer whales in captivity! Wow! If you’re lucky, you can get a blurry picture to photoshop it and yourself into a Free Willy poster. WOW! I SAY WOW!

Did you know that Killer Whales are sometimes called Orcas? I wonder why they never call them that in the news? Only Jackie Robinson knows…

SERIOUSLY??! WHO THE *FUCK* IS STEPHEN COLBERT?

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PARENTAL DISCRETION ADVISED: STRONG LANGUAGE
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Ok… seriously… remember how we were talking about this earlier this week?

We go to check the news today, something we only do when we’re VERY bored. And there’s a BIG FUCKING ARTICLE on how some hack called “Stephen Colbert” is replacing Dave Letterman on the Late Show. SERIOUSLY???

WHO THE FUCK IS STEPHEN COLBERT?

As you know, we were all about TEAM FERGUSON. It was HIS JOB to take. He’s AMAZING. We were in SUCH A RAGE that we actually had to do RESEARCH as to WHO THE FUCK THIS STEPHEN COLBERT IS. At first, we thought he was that guy in Death to Smoochy. Turns out, that’s ANOTHER guy. I don’t even remember his fucking name.  Why do people think these idiots are even IMPORTANT? It looks like they to POLITICAL SHOWS. LAME. What kind of IDIOT gives a DAMN about POLITICS?? All politics do is depress and opress! Who the FUCK would watch a show like that? THEY’RE NOT FUN AT ALL. I don’t want politics in my late night shows!

We tried to watch this insignificant nobody’s show. We tried to watch it all day.

Not one laugh. NOT ONE FUCKING LAUGH. He is not funny. We watched like 500 shows.

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Anybody want to place their bets? We bet that he’ll either be booted before even taking the desk, or get Conan’d in the first year.

As for you, Craig. We love you. I think we read that you’re getting a nice settlement for not getting the job. May we suggest some shopping? You deserve it.

WHO THE FUCK IS STEPHEN COLBERT?

WHO THE FUCK IS STEPHEN COLBERT?

David Letterman to Retire. How about that?

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So it looks like David Letterman is retiring next year. We could do a Top Ten list of things why this is a good idea or bad idea, or whatever. But we’d rather think of who would replace him.

This guy:

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That’s right. We’re full bomb on the Craig Ferguson team. Our money is on people realizing that not so Late Late Night TV can be funny again. ZING!

Brush up on your Craig here: